i keep throwing myself back into a panic when i think about him. maybe the answer is to keep him out of it. thanks for the donation sweetheart but unless you’re in it for me, stay on your path. this one is mine.
thinking about that post of people assuming ao3 has an algorithm and also about how bonkers persistent the view is that ao3 is social media lite. like with startling regularity I get comments saying something along the lines of “it’s probably weird to comment on a fic this old–” no it isn’t!!!! this is an archive I am literally just assuming you searched for a selection of specific tags or sorted by kudos or looked back on my pseud or any other number of completely normal ways to use an archive site ?? kill the tiktok ghost in your brain and comment on old stuff it’s NOT weird
i was so worried about letting him be in his child’s life that i completely forgot i didn’t have to let that happen and i was only telling him out of courtesy because how weird would it be to see me with a kid one day and it looks an awful lot like you?
i don’t want money, i don’t want help, leave me alone and have fun with your new family. ready made and no responsibilities on your part.
trying real hard to remember that i dont feel empty, i feel bored. i feel like i should be doing something.
i finally have a chance to rest, but i feel like i need to go! do! be! something. but what? idk.
so i sit and i wait and i wait and i sit and i do nothing because i feel like i have something i should be doing but i have nothing that requires my attention immediately.
for those born into chaos, safety feels like a threat.
for those that have been conditioned to go non-stop, though the pain and the exhaustion. it feels like laziness to sit down, even tho your health demands it.
we are far more conditioned to it than we realize.
